Hungry for a man and therefore angry = Mangry

Been pretty Mangry lately. 

Not just for sex, which happens often.

Not just for romance and connection, which also happens often.

For both.

I’m mangry for a man to come after me, impress me, pursue knowing me fully, win me, marry me, and come into my bed and home and heart forever. I’m mangry to feel his arms around me while we’re hardly able to kiss from smiling so big.


2 Topics

Topic #1: Online Dating

Am I foolish to reject online dating? My mom and my sister keep pushing it on me but I just can’t bring myself to do it. This is what stops me:

– It feels like man-shopping. It just seems unnatural to me! I don’t know how to explain it other than that…shopping at the man-store.

– I am a story lover. I haven’t waited 25 years for someone to just throw up my hands and say, oh well, I’ll tell my kids I went man-shopping and found their dad. I want a man to pursue me. I want to catch someone’s attention and he decide to get to know me from what he knows. Not because he saw what I put up on a website, but because being in my presence dazzled him in some way. Because he felt a nudge from God in my direction. I want that to be my story.

– I trust God’s timing. A long time ago I told God that I wanted a man in His timing and not my own because I trusted that He could have something way better for me than I could even think of myself. If I really felt that God wanted me to go on a dating site then I would do it, but I don’t. I know that my God is capable of bringing him to my very doorstep. So why would I go hunting?

Now, having said all that, what do you think? Am I stupid for feeling like this? Are my arguments ridiculous?

I’ll admit, man-shopping is very tempting sometimes, especially when certain body-parts are feeling restless about their disuse. Or when I’m just plain lonely. But I just can’t bring myself to do it!

Topic #2: Captain Adorable and Community

Ok, so I thought I’d fill you in on what’s going on because it is affecting me and I need to talk about it. Let’s put it this way: The Honeymoon Phase is long gone. 

While still very handsome, Captain Adorable isn’t so adorable anymore. Poor guy’s got some issues. God has made it clear to Bushbaby and to me while praying with her about it that He has put her in his life for a reason and he is her mission-field right now. I told her that if it weren’t for God’s continual guidance in the relationship, I would have told her to break up with him a long time ago. 

Aside with dealing with communication and emotional issues, probably the biggest issue in their relationship is community. They have different ideas of what that should look like. Like me, she believes that community should be a group of people who care about one another and take care of each other. That includes my brothers-in-christ, though certain healthy boundaries will apply. There is a space between close-friends and acquaintances which is “Friends,” just in the casual sense, and if I were in a relationship then my other brothers-in-christ would fall into this category. Of course I would have boundaries. I’m not going to confide deep and meaningful things in some guy that I’m not with, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them and have a casual friendship. 

Captain Adorable is not in the same camp. He thinks that men and women should stay separate. He has his guy-friends, Bushbaby has her girl-friends, and they are to stay separate. He need never pursue any level of relationship with any other girl but her, and she need not with any other guy. 

I cannot tell you how much I disagree with this! I have grown up in a community that supports one another. My parents have really close couple-friends who have been through thick and thin with them. They have supported one another and been Christ to one another. Of course my mom is closer to the woman of the couple than she is to the man, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some level of friendship and communication with him! There are just safe boundaries. She doesn’t act like he doesn’t exist!

Obviously this has bothered me on a personal level. Captain Adorable thinks its ok to be polite and say hello, but he’s made it clear that he has no intention of getting to know me at all. It’s insulting and hurtful. Because I am a part of her life. A big part. And if he has no intention of giving a rat’s behind about me then how can he really know her?

And what’s more, one day I’d like my man and I to hang out with bushbaby and her man! I want the kind of community that my parents have with their friends! I’d like to know HIM because he’s part of her life! And I really think that he could use some good people in his life. Some community, but fat chance of that happening!

Not only that, but I’m so sorry that I’m single and would like to have some interaction with men my age…but oh no, I guess I’d just better wait until God decides to give me a man to say anything more than, “Hi, how are you.” As if I have nothing to offer any man except a romantic relationship. Well, sucks for me then, that I’m single and can only offer my gifts to other women. No chance that knowing me a little could benefit you. Sorry!

It’s so frustrating. I know that he doesn’t intend it to be personal but it is. Because yet again it feels like being passed over. It feels like, not only does no man want to be with me, but I’m not even worth being friends with or getting to know on a casual level. And that hurts.